I came out of the infertility closet…a little bit.

So this past weekend, a couple of days after Thanksgiving, I came out of the infertility closet “a little” on facebook. Here is what I wrote, accompanying this picture:

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My greatest blessing, my little family! Last year in October we suffered a chemical pregnancy..basically, it’s a super early miscarriage. This was particularly devastating because we had been dealing with infertility issues for about two years and were SO excited to find out that we were finally pregnant… only to find out that it wasn’t going to turn out the way we had hoped. It was a dark time in our lives! But yet, here we are, a year later with not one..but TWO of the cutest little boys around. I feel doubly blessed and truly grateful! I don’t why things happen the way they do, but I do know that in the end, God is faithful! So this thanksgiving, I am truly thankful because these little boys have flipped our lives upside down for the better. And I would have it no other way.

It’s pretty wordy and I say I came out “a little” because I didn’t go into detail about IVF or everything we went through. I figured I didn’t really need to go there, but if someone asked, I wouldn’t mind saying telling them about it. Why did I feel the need to mention infertility and some of what we went through? Because when my hubby and I were going through it I felt really lonely, isolated, ashamed, and like I had no one that could relate or that I could talk to. Yes, I had best friends, family and all that jazz….but they didn’t necessarily understand how I felt because they hadn’t gone through it. I put myself out there for the people like me, who instead of seeing the 47382479 pregnancy of the day, when you yourself can’t get pregnant…would feel comforted to know that someone else went through it and made it through the other side. Having children does not necessarily “solve” the infertility thing..if I want to have a child again, I will have to go through the process again. Besides a miracle, I won’t be able to get pregnant on my own. So at times it’s still hard when I see so many people who can get pregnant so easily.

So what was the result of coming out? I honestly felt more free. Boom. BANG. There it is. It also opened a door, because right after I came out, I was messaged by someone going through struggles with infertility and thanking me for putting myself out there. That made me feel good. Yes, I have twins..I’m grateful. But I will NEVER forget the road I had to take to get there. As always, I leave you with pics from the best Thanksgiving ever.

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I’m a cutie and I know it! (To the tune of “I’m sexy and I know it)

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Everything’s better when we get to sit on daddy’s lap. Can’t you tell how thrilled we are?

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Mom’s not much better..

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But we love to kick our feet in our crib! Even if Mom DID dress us alike…AGAIN!

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Hanging out with my niece who is about my size…at age 4.

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Lilia reading to Josiah..from a Target receipt.

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“But I can feed him by myself…”

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Micah decided he had enough excitement for the day.

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But wait! We forgot to take a picture with the bibs. Can’t forget the Thanksgiving bibs!

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Hubby, hubby’s brother, best friend, myself. Yep.

And that’s how we rolled Thanksgiving 2013.

0 thoughts on “I came out of the infertility closet…a little bit.

  1. mommytrainingwheels says:

    Infertility is so hard. I remember feeling resentful each time I saw someone who was pregnant. I remember feeling inadequate for the long months it took us to conceive when my mom kept on recounting how quickly she became pregnant with her myself and siblings (of course, she didn’t know this because I hadn’t actually told her that we were trying). Good for you for putting it out there. It’s important to feel supported through tough times. You little guys look great in their Thanksgiving bibs πŸ˜‰

    • roadtofertility says:

      Thank you! My best friends mom would do the same thing..recount over and over how easy it was for her to get pregnant and how easy it will be for my BFF when it’s her turn..I ended up jut avoiding her! Sometimes people for realize how their words hurt others. I just want people to know they’re not alone, like I felt. Thank God for this amazing supportive community of bloggers. It became my main outlet!

  2. K, Twin Mom says:

    Great photos! It does feel freeing to open up about infertility. I love that someone benefited immediately from your sharing. Proof that everything happens at just the right timing. πŸ™‚

  3. afamilyformcmanda says:

    Look at those boys!! Healthy, adorable little dudes! And mama looks amazing too! Good for you to make that statement on Facebook. Infertility can be such a lonely road and you never know who may have gotten some extra hope from your words. And truly there’s nothing to be ashamed of in needing a little help to get our boys – they were absolutely worth the effort, right??

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