I will answer my own question up front. I think no. A big fat NO. But let me tell you what brought me to blog about this. I have twins with two very different personality. Is that a surprise though? After all, every baby is different. Josiah is pretty laid back and chilled out. For him to really cry, something has to be truly bothering him. Otherwise, he will hang out all days with a big smile like it’s nobody’s business. Micah is a pretty chipper baby too, but he does have more fussy moments than his brother. This relates to the fact that he is a bit colicky. I snuggle and hold both of my boys pretty often. Not all day long, but if they’re upset and need to be calmed or held, I don’t hesitate to do it. I’m not a member of the “cry it out” club. Not because I think it’s wrong, but because it’s never worked for us in the past.
What my MIL recently told me because Micah had a huge crying/screaming moment while she babysat him: “I think he’s starting to get spoiled. He only wants to be held.” What a nurse once told me at a one month appointment to check for a heart murmur for Josiah “He’s spoiled” because he was crying when they hooked everything up to him and wanted to be held. Um, no duh he wants to be held lady. I’ve heard this mentioned at different occasions as well, when one of them is crying a lot so we pick them up and they stop. I can’t tell if it’s a cultural thing or if it’s the norm for people to say it. Either way, it’s obnoxious and drives me nuts.
Let me be clear about one thing – we do not pick up our babies at every grunt, or movement. We don’t go rushing into the nursery if they make a little bit of noise. But we DO pick up our boys when they’re upset and need a good old fashioned cuddle from their parents. And I don’t feel bad about it! Research actually shows that babies can’t be spoiled and are better off when their needs are met. I just wish people would stop throwing that phrase around. My instinct is to say, “Oh, I’m sorry I show my babies too much affection…my bad.” I will cuddle the crap out of them (lol..cuddle the crap) but no seriously, I will. I’ve waited for them, saw them endure a lot of hell after they were born…and am so grateful for them. They will only be this small for a short period…and when they’re older, who the heck knows if they will want to be cuddled? Their babyhood will be over sooner than I know it. They’re too little to say no to my irresistible snuggles, which I love! They will probably reach an age where they are too “cool” for it. One day, they will go off to college. They will probably marry. God has entrusted their precious lives into my hands for a period of time…and during this time, I will hug them to pieces, kiss their cheeks, and HOLD THE HECK OUT OF THEM. In the meantime, whenever someone makes a ridiculous statement about spoiling them, I will internally roll my eyes and tell them off..while outwardly offering a tolerant smile.
Things someone has told me about how to do things, how they did things “back in the day”…
Regarding their outtie belly buttons: “When my kids were babies I just stuck a penny on it. The doctor told me to tape a penny to it and it would go down. And it did.”
Regarding feeding them food: “When my babies were one month old I was already feeding them rice and beans.”
Regarding weaning them off the pacifier: “I just dipped it in hot sauce and stuck it in their mouth, they spit it out and that was the end of it.”
These are only half of the things I’ve heard. I will stick with present day. Thanks.
Feel free to share some of the things people have said to you or say to you that make you go bananas regarding your baby. I like to laugh. 😀