I’m stronger than I thought I was.

The boys are six months old, on their way to seven months. As I reflect back on the months that have passed, I see all of the changes that have taken place. Here are some truly honest thoughts that were going on in my mind during the following months…

One Month – Three Months: “For the love of God, this is so HARD! Nothing prepares you for this, not the books, nothing…I just want to sleep! Will they ever stop crying? Can I have a moment of peace? I’m just soooo tired. Where are all the lovely volunteers that offered to “help?” Here is how you can help me…cook, clean for me, and let me sleep for an entire day. Where the heck are my “friends?” I know that have I have two babies but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to have fun or get out once in awhile. Feel free to invite me somewhere, anywhere…

But yet, I’m so thankful! God..I’m so thankful. I wanted this so bad, and I have it…Lord don’t get me wrong, I’m SO grateful! It’s just really overwhelming. Give me strength to be an amazing parent to these boys. Let me be the mom that they deserve. I need You. I don’t want to forget where I came from and where I was a year ago.

Three Months to Six Months – “I think I’m getting a hang of this thing called parenthood. I’m actually starting to enjoy it! I feel like Super Mom…where’s my cape? I’m still so tired though. Will these babies sleep ever? Ehh, maybe…but at least now I can function on five hours of sleep. I can actually take them out in public more without fearing the worst (like uncontrollable meltdowns)…I’m also seeing more SMILES! In the beginning I wasn’t even sure this was a possibility. I thought all babyhood had in store for me was endless screaming. When people told me, ‘It will get better and easier’ I rolled my eyes…but it does feel easier, even though it’s harder in some ways. They entertain themselves more! They are falling asleep on their own…they have little personalities of their own! They’re eating solids, they love when I read to them. I’m stronger than I thought I was.”

I think that last line pretty much sums it up. Parenthood has taught me that I’m stronger and much more independent than I originally thought I was. My strength has surprised me. When I think about all that we went through, from Micah’s RSV (watching my son fight for his life for TEN days…the hardest thing for a mom to do!), Josiah’s possible Hirschsprung diagnosis…weeks in the NICU…so many tears…I’m amazed at something – I’m still standing. I made it through six months of not working, I spent most of that time taking care of my boys on my own while maintaining my home, finances, and keeping my commitments. I think I have been a good wife and a good friend.

I’m not writing this to toot my own horn. I’m writing this because motherhood has taught me that I am much more resilient than I thought I was. I’m strong! It’s not in my own strength, I’m truly grateful for the grace of God. It’s through His grace and strength, I’ve been able to do this lovely, chaotic, kooky, wild, adventurous thing called motherhood. And for that, I’m grateful.

strong

12 thoughts on “I’m stronger than I thought I was.

  1. Shanna says:

    Go you!! You are an amazing mom, and I’m glad you’re getting your feet under you 🙂 It is hard, harder than I ever thought too, but those little moments just make the days, don’t they?

    • Tales of a Twin Mombie says:

      Thanks so much Shanna! Yes, those moments make it worth it all! Wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. 🙂

  2. mommytrainingwheels says:

    This definitely sums up mothehood! When you in the midst of it, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then, at one point, you look back on the previous months and think: “wow, I actually made it through that”! Way to give yourself a pat on the back. You definitely *are* stronger than you think.

  3. randomsqueaks says:

    I love all of this but I can really relate to the first three months. I feel like we’re right on the cusp of transitioning to the 3-6 month partially. Can’t wait to hear how your next few months go!

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