Thanks for checking out my blog. Before we were the parents of two toddlers, we were two people who wanted more than anything to be parents. Married on July 11, 2009 three years had passed and it felt like we were ready to start a family. We had traveled, accomplished a few things off of our bucket list, were enjoying every second of marriage and wanted to grow our family. We thought it would be pretty easy and would be another thing to check off of our timeline. The funny thing about timelines. God’s is almost ALWAYS different from ours. After almost a year of trying, we were seeing no results. I wasn’t too concerned but our doctor recommended we see a specialist to find out if there was something else going on. So we did.
In 2012 we began a variety of tests and we found out that I had severe endometriosis that was most likely interfering with our ability to have children. A laparoscopy would hopefully do the trick, clean up the endometriosis, and we would be on our way to a family. I expected to be pregnant by the end of the summer. In my mind, I was relieved and thought it would be easy. It wasn’t. After my laparoscopy, I expected to be woken up to relief and to feel some semblance of hope. Yet, when I saw my husband, mother, and concerned doctor next to me after the procedure I knew that wasn’t the case. Something was wrong. Our fertility doctor explained that when he went in, the endometriosis was more severe than expected. I had adhesions all over the place and tubes wrapped up in the wrong place. It was a mess and one that if he touched, could require a complete hysterectomy. He recommended that we jump straight to IVF. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear nor was expecting to hear.
After crying for most of the week, my husband and I spoke to our pastor and shared our concerns. What did God think about IVF? Would we seem like terrible unbelieving Christians if we went through with the process? Would it mean that we didn’t believe God could heal me? We shared all of our struggles with him and his response surprised me. He supported us 100% and didn’t think it made us less of anything. It just made us two people who wanted to be parents and God could absolutely use our doctors to help us get there. That was all of the assurance I needed. We would go through with the process. From the end of the summer to the beginning of September of 2012, we went through the process of IVF. I hated the entire thing. It was painful, I felt sick, and the pain from being off of the pain relievers for my endometriosis was torture. With the encouragement and constant support of my husband, I pressed through. I wanted to give up, but I kept our goal in mind. A family. Soon it was time. We decided to put two embryos in, hoping that our chances would increase. We received a phone call. We were pregnant! Feeling joy, excitement, and complete and total gratitude, we celebrated! A few days later we received a call from the nurse. We had lost the pregnancy at five weeks. I remember being at school, eating lunch with my girlfriends, when I received the phone call. I remember bursting into tears and leaving the school. My husband met me at home and we cried.
He pulled out his guitar and sang songs of worship. He sang songs that reminded us that our trust was in God. Letting God know that we still believed in His promises for our life, even if things weren’t going well. My love for him went to the next level. You don’t really know what your faith consists of until you go through a trial. You find out who you really are.
I wanted to be done with this process. We went to our doctor and told him that we didn’t want to continue the process. That it was painful, didn’t seem to be in our favor, and was tiring. He refused to let us give up. He shared stories of hope with us, encouraged us, and told us to give it another try. We had two embryos left and qualified for a frozen embryo transfer. It was easier, less expensive, and had a good possibility for success. We decided to give it one more go. If this didn’t work for us, than we would have to explore other options.
In December of 2012, after a few weeks of prepping my body with medications, it was time. All I remember about the transfer is that the anesthesiologist looked like someone from Grey’s Anatomy. McDreamy. Now it was time to wait. This time, I couldn’t wait for a phone call so after a few days, I took a pregnancy test. Positive. I started to feel hope take hold of me. But I was still scared, because of our first experience. When we went to the doctor and had our ultrasound, we found out that there were TWO babies. At five weeks, they warned us that the possibility of both sticking around were slim. Yet, every few weeks, there were still two. I was in complete SHOCK. WHAT?! Twins?! By week thirteen, it seemed clear that we would be having twins.
I felt like God was giving us a double portion of something that we wanted so badly. He was giving us double the joy for the pain of our loss. That’s what I felt. We were due in September 2013.
We would have a family.