Note – My boys’ birthday was yesterday and I shared this letter via Facebook yesterday and wanted to share it here! I was overwhelmed by the responses I received, because most of what my boys went through I kept private (with the exception of this blog, which I don’t share with my friends or family) so people were really surprised by all of it. Crazy. Even crazier to think that they are one!! AHHHH! *
Dear Micah and Josiah,
You are officially one. I can’t believe it. The year went by in a blur! I wasn’t expecting you to come when you did! On a relaxed Wednesday (July 24th) at the typical pee-in-a-cup-this-seems-like-a-waste-of-time appointment, I did just that. Tinkled in the cup. When the nurse went to put the little stick in to check my numbers, I noticed her alarm immediately. “Uh-oh…” she began…and that was the beginning of it all! I was sent over to the hospital and stayed there until it was decided – I would be having a C-Section on July 26, no ifs ands or buts about it…and believe me, I begged the doctors to postpone your birth (not realizing the seriousness of preclampsia and also wanting to make it to Titi and Tio’s wedding) but they refused and that was that. Nothing was worth the risk of hurting the both of you…absolutely nothing, especially when Daddy and I fought so hard to have you. It was time to prepare for your entry. Your daddy and I realized that within a few hours you would be born and we hadn’t picked out your names officially yet. We decided to go with Micah and Josiah because we loved the meaning behind it. Micah means, “Who is like the Lord” and Josiah means, “God is healer.” Who knew those names would be such sources of strength for some of the hard times you both would go through. They prepped me for the c-section and it was go time, whether I was “ready” or not.
Your daddy was such a pillar during this time! I was freaking out but tried to be calm. I would be meeting my little boys today…that was the bright spot in all of it. I don’t think I really believed I was having twins until they pulled out TWO of you. Micah…you made your entry into the world crying at the top of your lungs (shocker…lol) but quieted the MINUTE you entered your daddy’s arms.
They took you away quickly though…since you were breached, a bit of fluid had entered your lungs. They needed to tend to you right away. We would have our visiting time later. In that moment, in between telling your daddy I felt sick and wanted to throw up, it hit me. I REALLY WAS PREGNANT WITH TWINS! Haha, I think it was hard to believe until I saw the both of you come out of my belly.
I will let the pictures speak of our first visits:
Josiah, you had more complications. Everything would be okay, I was assured…but you were smaller at 4 pounds and 6 ounces. You were also more distressed because of the position you were in my belly and needed to be treated with antibiotics because you developed pneumonia from the fluid that entered your lungs. You had me worried!! Soon they put you on the C-Pap and you were even more wired up.I was a bit scared to hold you because I didn’t want to mess anything up! After the C-Pap you did really well and after a few weeks, it seemed like you were on the path to come home..yay! Micah came home a week earlier and we were excited for you to join your brother.
It all seemed like it was going according to plan when the doctor’s told us they were concerned about your tummy. It seemed like you weren’t going the way you should be going to the bathroom and they were concerned. They thought you might have something called Hirschsprung disease or malrotation of the intestines…my head was spinning and I was devestated when they told me they would be transferring you to to a children’s hospital out of state. Um, WHAT?! I’m not going to lie…I cried, cried, cried, and when I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, cried some more. I held you until they transferred you as I tried to figure out how we were going to have one baby here in and another out of the state…but God was in control and we figured it out. Fortunately, you tested negative for everything and ended up going to the bathroom the way you should have from the beginning. At this point, the nurses fell in love with you and cuddled you all night long….taking turns so they could have all the chance to hold you and snuggle with you. You FINALLY came home, but it was bittersweet…because Micah had been admitted to that hospital for RSV just when they were getting ready to discharge you. Here are some pics of your time home with daddy!
You put us through the ringer at a young age! You came out with a head full of hair and lots of attitude. You let the nurses know what you wanted and when. You weren’t afraid to scream until you got what you wanted. Still, you melted our hearts from the beginning.
Your facial expressions said it all. We love cuddling you every day and feeding you milk. You came home after only a few weeks in the NICU and we were ecstatic! When you came home, this is what went down:
Lots of loving, lots of intense semi-angry looks from you (I think you knew your brother wasn’t home yet and you missed him!) and lots of reading with daddy. Everything was perfect until one week after you were home, I noticed a cough. I tensed up the minute I heard it and called your grandma immediately. She came over and spent the night with me as I stayed up restless, feeling in my heart that something was wrong. The next day we took you into the doctor’s and once she saw how your chest was retracting the dreaded words were spoken: RSV. You were only 3 weeks old and I was horrified. I felt like I failed you and didn’t protect you enough, even though we literally did not go anywhere. They admitted you into the hospital and my heart broke. All the while, Josiah was praying for you…
You didn’t look too thrilled about the situation either.
Things took a turn for the worse and you too were transferred to the children’s hospital (where your brother already was) and I was terrified. Was this some kind of nightmare? Grandma and I were a complete wreck. Daddy and I headed over immediately and as soon as we arrived in the parking lot, I received the dreaded phone call – “We had to intubate him…he is in the PICU” the doctor explained to me. I felt my world shatter. PICU?! INTUBATION? What? Daddy and I made a decision that he would go with Josiah and I would go with you since you were highly contagious, we did not want to cross contaminate. For the next 10 days I watched you fight for your life. At that point, your brother had already been discharged and daddy was home with him. Those 10 days were the longest and most traumatic days of my life. This is what I had to look at every single day as I wondered whether you would pull through or not.
It’s scary when the doctor’s can’t assure you whether your child will live or not. There was one night in particular things became very critical. I refused to leave the hospital at this point as your numbers were all over the place. They were on the brink of moving you to an even more intense type of ventilator…all night I prayed for you along with a host of other people. All I could do was watch the monitors closely and pray for a miracle. I must have drifted off to sleep at one point because when I woke up, a new doctor was in and told me your numbers had improved and we were going to aim to extubate (take out the tubes that were helping you breathe) within the next few days. It was pretty miraculous. One night you were in the fight of his life, literally…and you pulled through. You are a little fighter! I was ready to say goodbye to what I had to wear when I was with you.
After a few days you were moved to the 3rd floor…where you had some great nurses (one nurse was a father of triplets!!) and we were finally ready to be home for good.
Mommy went to pick up Daddy and we were ready to begin the adventures of twin parenting!
Let the fun begin:
My first year with the both of you can be summed up best in pictures:
Josiah and Micah, you taught me to love in a way I never even knew existed. I’m not sure who cried more the first three months, you or Mommy and Daddy! Every moment of sleep deprivation was worth it. We prayed for a blessing for two years and fought hard for one for one of those two years and were blessed with TWO. Insanity. Our hearts are full because of you. The best part of our day is waking up to your giggles, laughter, shouting, kicking your crib…and most of all snuggling with you! You put us through the ringer in the beginning, but today we celebrate the fact that you are both alive, well, healthy, and have made your presence in the world VERY known. You are loved by soooooo many! During the tough times in the beginning you had amazing people looking out for you! An amazing family, church, beautiful pastors, friends…everyone cared about how you were doing! Today they still care! I can write a novel on how much I love you…and maybe one day I will, for now I say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most beautiful boys that have graced our lives. We love you. I reflected on all that you’ve gone through because it makes me all the more grateful that you are here..we feel truly blessed!