Well..last week I was feeling so proud of myself! I was “on my own” for most of the week without any help and I did it on purpose! I wanted to prove (to myself basically) that yes I can do this thing called motherhood with twins, all by my lonesome. I am mother hear me roar. So that I did and I made it and all was swell. I gave myself a big pat on the back. Then I thought to myself wait…what’s the prize? Do I get an award or something? Or does it just make me feel good? Why am I trying to be without help when help makes life so much easier..especially with an inconsolable baby? lol..so fast forward to this week. Monday was a horrific day. By horrific I mean, we got pretty much NO sleep whatsoever, hubby had to go to work..and than Micah and Josiah both wanted to cry..Micah wanted to cry for hours, and so he did.
I’m going to be honest about what I did. I tried to console them, I changed them, fed them, did everything..then they just wouldn’t stop crying and was just feeling SOOOO exhausted. So I threw myself on my bed and cried, called my mom, cried some more, called my husband crying (babe they just won’t stop crying!) and then took a deep breath and loved up on my little ones until “help” had arrived. Help came in the form of my mom and little brother who rescued me while I slept for hours. After I slept I felt so much better!!! I felt so thankful. Tuesday my mom came to help again, I got SO much done, the boys were so chill and it was fantastic.
But today? OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. My husband had off and so we were going to do all this stuff in the house and be all accomplished and what not. Yeah…freakin…right. Micah was on full meltdown mode. Not for twenty minutes..not for an hour..but for HOURS. Like literally screaming at the top of his lung from morning until 3 pm. Hubs and I were in desperation mode..passing him back and forth, taking turns when one felt like they were going to go insane..finally, at 3 I demanded he call the doctors. “We can’t do this…” I told him. “We’re both going to go crazy. This poor baby is in pain. Something’s up and we just can’t do this!!” He called the doc, they said come on over..he literally got Micah ready, in the carseat, out the door. In such a rush that he forgot to grab the diaper bag. He told me that when he went into the office with screaming Micah they put him right into a room and all of the nurses were rushing over because of Micah’s screaming. The doctor saw them right away. She has a baby herself and said that her son went through the same exact thing..she wants Micah to stop the breast milk and to try this special (expensive..blah!) formula to see if it will help him. We are so desperate we will try anything. We already give Josiah formula at night because he sleeps through the entire night on it. Micah is still on Prilosec and Zantac..even though every time we try to give him the meds he literally spits it right out. Smart kid. Hates the taste. So our plan is to try this new formula and see if he tolerates it better than the breastmilk. I will keep you posted on the results. She said if he continues to scream and is inconsolable take him to the ER. All of the screaming must have worn him out, he’s been peaceful since and drank the new formula and fell right to sleep. Let’s see what happens.
On top of that, tragedy has been rampant this week. One of my former students was killed tragically while walking to her bus stop. She was hit by TWO cars. Her siblings (fraternal twins) witnessed the entire thing. I went to the vigil and funeral this week. A parent should NEVER have to bury their child. Awful. It made me hug my boys a little tighter. Tomorrow is not promised.
I found a letter I wrote to Micah while he was in the hospital. Read it to my husband and we both cried. I love these little guys so much, screams, sleepless nights and all. These are my miracle babies. My two gifts. My greatest blessings. While mommyhood is hard its so rewarding. I love all the snuggles and all of the kisses on their fat little cheeks. And man, these boys are CHUNKY. One of my close friends from Chicago is staying with us for a week next week – YAY!! The only downside is me having to actually clean the house…lol. Here are some pics:
First time at church as a family!
I like to keep mommy and daddy awake. I also like to look ridiculously cute so that they can’t be mad at me.
Josiah says, “No Mom, no smiles from me.” Got it.
Hanging at our Pastor’s house..my Pastor’s wife..boys loving her.
Someone requires extra snuggles ! Happy to oblige.
Jo-Jo Bean sleeping away in church…wake up little guy.