National Infertility Awareness Week!

Start ASking

Hi beautiful people! I have decided to share my blog with my friends, family, and people I know. For years I have blogged without sharing it with too many people that I knew in real life. This blog started in 2012 as a place I could write about my thoughts and share things I was scared to really say out loud when it came to our struggles with infertility. When I found out we had fertility issues, I didn’t feel like I could talk to a lot of people about it for different reasons. Plus, it’s not exactly easy dinner conversation: “Pass me the bread, oh yeah I’m having trouble having a baby…” What I DID feel like I could do was write about it. So that’s what I did. In blogging I found a really amazing community of people who were in the same shoes. A great deal who had made it to the other side and had given me hope. Some, who to this day, are still struggling to conceive. Ultimately, it ended up being an amazing outlet to share and to listen.

I want to share my blog because when I look back at where we were in 2012 and what we went through to have a family, all I can do is be filled with gratitude and awe at where we are today. And guess what? I take literally ZERO credit for it. It’s all God. Without Him, we wouldn’t be where we are today. Yes, we didn’t go through the typical process people go through to have a baby. I’m thankful for how far we have come in the medical world and through science. I’m grateful that God uses doctors, nurses, scientists, and all kinds of awesome people to make things happen. That’s just how good He is. So today what I want to offer others is this:

HOPE.

I share my blog because I believe there is hope for anyone who is dealing with infertility. Anyone who is walking this journey. It can be lonely, murky, unfamiliar, and altogether terrifying. I can tell you this – everything we went through shaped us and molded us in such a unique way. I learned to face fear head on. I learned not to be consumed with anxiety and worry. I learned that I had a choice, I could choose sorrow and depression OR I could choose hope and joy, even when it was seemingly impossible to do so. I thought it would be really cool to share my blog during National Infertility Awareness week.

This week is National Infertility Awareness week.

The definition of infertility is:

 …the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse (six months if the woman is over age 35) or the inability to carry a pregnancy to live birth. 

1 in 8 couples struggles with infertility. There is an excellent chance that someone around you is struggling with it or knows someone who is. It’s much more common than people realize.

The theme for National Infertility Awareness Week is #StartAsking. The foundation wants people to #StartAsking:

  • Employers for insurance coverage.
  • Your lawmakers and legislators to support issues important to the infertility community.
  • Friends and family to support you.
  • The media to cover infertility and the real challenges we all face.
  • Those who have resolved their infertility to stay involved.
  • OB/GYN or healthcare provider to talk about YOUR reproductive health.
  • For affordable care for treatment of a disease (all taken directly from resolve.org – edited).

I am going to encourage you to #StartPraying in addition to asking. Pray for your friends and family members who are walking through this. Encourage them. Let them know you are there for them. Pray for the wisdom to be there for them in a way that is helpful, encouraging, and uplifting.

And most importantly, hold on to hope.

 

First U/S at five weeks after a scare!

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What do you notice about the picture? There are TWO little beans just hanging out!

Sunday night we had a scare, I started spotting briefly (maybe like three times) and of course, I completely freaked out..had hubby take me to the ER…and then hung out there for two hours around people with the flu and decided to get the heck out of there, get home, and see the RE ASAP. Thankfully they saw us right away and I was SO terrified as we were waiting for the u/s. I was trying to be hopeful but I was definitely having  a battle of the mind (that’s going to be the topic of my next post, btw) and the worst kept coming to my mind. However, when they did the u/s they saw that we had two little beanie babies hanging out there and measuring right where they should be. YAY! That was good news! According  to the doctors, tomorrow I will be officially six weeks. I won’t have another ultrasound until next Friday where we will actually hear the heartbeats. I think I will take another deep breath when I can see some heartbeats happening! But everyday is a victory and I have to rejoice over it! I haven’t had any spotting since.

My symptons have included:

– Increased hunger, tiredness (sometimes it hits me so suddenly and I feel like I can’t even walk! Twinges in my abdomen and leg cramps) and so far that’s it!

I’m not going to lie. I know absolutely nothing about any of this. Google is my best friend along with thebump.com. I try not to get too crazy with it though because then I start to freak myself out and get paranoid. Please let the following eight months fly by!

Also, my husband and I decided to tell our best friends next Friday after our ultrasound where we can hear the heartbeats! I wanted to wait until the first trimester is completely over but since they are getting married and we (bridesmaids) will be purchasing our dresses in early February, I will need to let her know. Plus, she’s my best friend and I’m absolutely dying to tell her!

I have blood work on Saturday. Continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers!

Keep the good news coming!

So my nurse texted me and told me that my beta is at 1618! That would be my third beta. She said that I will possibly have an ultrasound after I hit 2000 which at this rate I should be at that by Saturday, which is when I have my next beta. This is the furthest we’ve gotten on our Infertility journey so to say that I am excited does not capture how I feel adequately! We have a long road ahead but I’m so grateful for the good news we have received thus far. Lord please let it keep coming!

On top of that, a random teacher at my job told me she had a dream I was pregnant. I do not work anywhere near this particular teacher and she has no idea on our struggles. It made me happy to hear that!

 

Beta # 2 – It’s OFFICIAL. I AM PREGNANT!

Well Beta # 2 came back at a 546!! That’s pretty amazing! I called my nurse and when I called she said, “Hold on let me check my computer….” and when she came back she said, “Damn girl, you’re at a 546!” In my opinion, that is an amazing second beta! Could it be, that 2013 is going to bring us a baby that we have longed for? This is the FURTHERST my husband and I have gotten in this whole process. I am ELATED!! We are going in for another beta on Wednesday. I feel like I can finally start to feel some true excitement and I feel like it’s finally happening for us! Finally!! I have something to celebrate in this new year! Of course…now I want to see the ultrasound so it can feel more official. Nonetheless, thank you Lord!

Beta # 1…feeling hope again!

Beta number one was 126 and my progesterone was over 50 which they said was a good thing! I wish I could say I felt out of the water but the truth is that because I experienced a c/p the first time around, I really want to see beta # 2 and beta # 3 as well so that I can make sure that these numbers are doubling! Some good signs this time around: no spotting. Though spotting is completely normal, I did spot during my first IVF and it ended up being a chemical pregnancy and it made me freak out the whole time because I kept feeling like I was getting my period!! This time around, I have not spotted even once. I KNOW spotting is normal, but I would prefer not to spot and I’m happy that his time around that I am not. My cramps have also subdued as well. Now I just feel a lot of exhaustion and tiredness. I really need to work on staying more hydrated as well.
We really don’t want to tell anyone until we are done with the first trimester. That sounds like a long time but after the first trimester the risk of miscarriage drops to like 1% from what I heard. I’m nervous about other aspects of all this as well, especially telling people. Not everyone will understand why we did it or the timing of why we did it…but there is a reason. In the middle of this entire process, my husband and I wanted to completely quit. It was tiring, exhausting emotionally and physically. There’s truly nothing “fun” or exciting about this process in my opinion. So we actually scheduled an appointment with our RE to tell him just that – pull the plug, this whole thing sucks, we want out. And when we got to the appointment, that’s exactly what we told him. He basically told us the timing was NOW. We had to go for it in this moment because of factors including my health, my eventual surgeries, and because our insurance was still covering it, etc. He went on and on and on. By the end of it, we agreed to continue. This is not Natalie and Jose timing. We really believe this is God’s timing. We don’t understand why now in this specific moment, but we are going for it. It’s not going to be easy.

 

 

HPT today..faint positive.

So the first time I went through IVF # 1 I told myself I absolutely would NOT take a home pregnancy test and that I would wait for my beta. The day of my beta I experienced the worst anxiety ever…like, I was practically in tears because I was so nervous! This time around I couldn’t resist and because of all of the pressure I wanted a heads up about what our results would *possibly* be. I took a HPT a few days ago and it was a very faint faint positive. Today I took another one and it was a bit darker. Here’s the pic:

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When I saw that I felt super happy! At the same time, until I get that blood test I won’t get my hopes TOO high but this is the first time on a HPT that I’ve ever gotten positive results.I really just want this to work for us this time! I also told myself I wouldn’t say anything to my husband…but what did I do? Run upstairs, throw on all the lights, and shout “DO YOU SEE IT?! DO YOU SEE IT? IT’S NOT JUST ME IS IT? YOU SEE IT RIGHT?!” Mind you, my poor husband was sleeping. But he agreed that “yes” he saw it too. Let’s go Friday..come on now…I’m ready to hear my results!! I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays!

4dpt..feeling some cramping going on!

Today is the 4th day post transfer! I’ve been feeling crampy for a couple of days. From what I read, that’s perfectly normal. Still, I wish I didn’t feel any cramps at all! The past four days have actually flown by and I know that before I know it, next Friday will be here. Christmas break is going to go by so fast..I just know it! Either way, I’m super psyched for the break. My students flooded me with tons of gifts, especially chocolate. I’ll be staying away from the chocolate for now though because of the caffeine that’s in it…but it was still such a sweet sentiment! My 7th graders really know me.

I’ve been definitely staying in a much more positive place thought wise lately. Trying not to obsess over this and trying to think that the cramps I’m feeling are implantation cramps and that everything truly is going to work out for us this time around. I’ve been debating whether or not I should POAS on the day of our beta just so that I have a heads up. Still not sure though. My husband and I always said we wouldn’t but under these circumstances we are considering it.

I have been keeping extremely busy with Christmas shopping and just with life as we know it! Normally our lives are pretty hectic as it is so in a way it’s good because it keeps my mind occupied. This is what my schedule looked like this week:

Monday: Christmas party for my Bible Institute. Then we are on Christmas break for two weeks!

Tuesday: FET!! A day of complete rest!

Wednesday: Bible Study! Our church is in DE so it’s 45 minutes to get here and 45 minutes to get back. Basically it takes up our whole night but it’s well worth it.

Thursday: Wasn’t feeling well so after my job I came home, slept, and did lots of grading!

Friday: Work, Christmas Pollyanna party with my girls from work after work, and then off to church in DE to prepare for our Christmas program this Sunday!

Today: Got up at 7 am to take my hubby to work (we are having car issues and getting his car fixed Wednesday after Christmas, for now we are sharing one car!). After I took the hubster I went to get an oil change, went to the mall, went to Target, went back to hubster’s job to drop off some keys, went to Wal-Mart, ate some delicious Spanish food, came home..straightened my hair, and now I’m relaxing! Nonetheless, the busy-ness in my opinion is a good thing! It helps me to keep my mind off all of the waiting. Of course I bought my husband MORE Christmas gifts. Anytime I leave the house, I’m buying him gifts. He’s going to kill me when he seems how much I got him this year.I just can’t help it! He’s been my hero through this whole thing. He’s been positive, giving me the shots (as painful as they are) and has been my rock throughout this entire thing so I absolutely cannot help spoiling him this Christmas!

I’m hoping that our ultimate gift will be a BFP on the 28th! The verse of today was:

Jeremiah 29:11-12 11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

I believe it! Hope! Hope, hope, hope, hope!

FET complete!!! Now it’s time to wait.

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So today I had my FET! They were able to transfer BOTH embies which thawed out “beautifully” according to the embryologist. I was so happy about that because I was so nervous! I’ve been worrying so much lately and I just don’t want to deal with disappointment but I also want to have faith that this IS going to work for me this time around! Today I just played some of my fave Christian songs from my “Encouragement” playlist that I created. I’ll include songs from the playlist at the end of this blog for those who are interested.

We had to wait like an hour so they let me empty partially twice. I think I emptied too much but it didn’t hinder anything thankfully! The transfer seemed like it happened so fast. I asked, “Is that it?” During the half hour wait after the transfer I made my hubby bring his iPad so we could watch Parks and Recreation so that it would take my mind off the fact that I really had to pee!

I spent the rest of the afternoon laying down, grading papers, updating my gradebook, and now I’m currently watching a Christmas Lifetime Movie. I will be continuing most of my meds. I can’t wait to be done with prometrium and the progesterone oil! Prometrium makes me EXHAUSTED. All I want to do is sleep sleep sleep! And the progesterone “booty shot” hurts the heck out of me! I’m about 100 pounds and five feet tall so I don’t have much meat happening down there…therefore, the shot makes me SO sore to the point where I have to sleep on my side. I’m also ready to be done with taking part of my Estrace “up there.” All of this will be well worth it though in the end! My first beta is on December 28th at 9 a.m. I won’t receive my results until the afternoon.

I’m remaining hopeful! It’s like the verse above says, to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. I want to choose hope over fear! Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen. I want to trust.

One week away.

As of tomorrow I will be one week away from my frozen embryo transfer. I have one more appointment on Wednesday to check out my lining and then everything will move on as planned! I’m very hopeful that this is going to work out for us this time around.Can I please fast forward to the end of December when I find out my results?

I’m ready to be done taking meds but I know that that is definitely not going to happen anytime son. I’ve had to set reminders on my phone just to remember what to take and when. I was freaking out this morning because I think I forgot to take my thyroid medicine yesterday…I hope it doesn’t throw anything off! Other than that, I’m excited. Have a good week everyone 🙂

Everything is looking “great!” FET here we come :)

Well today I went in for my appointment in preparation for my upcoming FET transfer scheduled for December 17th. So far I am taking 10CC of Lupron every morning along with Estrace two and a half times a day. Today when I went in the RE told me that everything was looking “great” and I am exactly where I need to be. After school, they called me and told me to up my dosage to Estrace three and a half times daily until my next appointment which is next Wednesday.

I’m actually starting to feel some excitement about the whole thing again. My husband and I have a really good feeling about this. With this whole infertility process, when something doesn’t work out you feel absolutely crushed, broken, and devastated. Hence, how I felt when IVF # 1 was a fail. We were pregnant but it resulted in a chemical pregnancy. The positive is that at least I know that I CAN get pregnant. But, it didn’t work out and we had to move forward with prepping for a FET. First of all, I am really grateful that we even have embryos that we can use for this. From what I have been reading and researching, there are many people who do not even get any “frosties.”

I just want to be as positive as possible and believe that this is going to be it for us. When I am negative, it does no good to me or to my husband..so I really want to continue to maintain a positive outlook. From the meds or I don’t know what, I have not been able to eat like I normally would. I’ll eat something but it won’t last in my stomach very long. I think that that also had to do with the fact that my bowels have been affected because of the endo. Sometimes I can eat something and be fine, other times, not so much. It’s manageable though.

Anyway, that’s the current update. Praying and believing for some awesomeness this December.