Beta # 2 – It’s OFFICIAL. I AM PREGNANT!

Well Beta # 2 came back at a 546!! That’s pretty amazing! I called my nurse and when I called she said, “Hold on let me check my computer….” and when she came back she said, “Damn girl, you’re at a 546!” In my opinion, that is an amazing second beta! Could it be, that 2013 is going to bring us a baby that we have longed for? This is the FURTHERST my husband and I have gotten in this whole process. I am ELATED!! We are going in for another beta on Wednesday. I feel like I can finally start to feel some true excitement and I feel like it’s finally happening for us! Finally!! I have something to celebrate in this new year! Of course…now I want to see the ultrasound so it can feel more official. Nonetheless, thank you Lord!

Pharmacy drama.

Spent most of yesterday dealing with my prescription mail order company. I decided that I officially dislike those people and that company. The last time we needed out fertility meds we were able to get them through Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy and they were pretty awesome to deal with. This time, we had to go through my actual prescription company and I did not like my dealings with them.

My RE faxed over everything to them multiple times, followed up with them by calling, I followed up with them by calling, and as of yesterday they were still a complete mess! They told me they didn’t have my order in the system and that my nurse cancelled the order. When I reported that information to my RE’s office they were angry because the nurse that they said supposedly cancelled my prescription was not even in the state when they said she cancelled it! She was on vacation in Florida. I don’t know where they got their information but it was totally false. The nurses told me that this particular prescription company is horrible to work with and kept apologizing for this nightmare. Plus, I have never had a problem before when it came to my meds and my RE. They have always been completely on top of things…so I knew something was amiss with this company! On top of all that, they were back ordered on progesterone and asked me if I could “wait” until November 16th. How about NO, I need my meds by THIS weekend! Don’t they understand that fertility meds are pretty time sensitive? I have officially spoken with these people at least SIX times as of today.

The good news is that they finally got their act together and are shipping out my meds so that I have them by tomorrow. Of course, I had to pay a little extra out of pocket in order to get it in for tomorrow..which is slightly frustrating since THEY are the ones that dropped the ball. But at this point, whatever it takes, I need my meds ASAP.

Now I am simply waiting for my darling AF to come. Can you note my sarcasm? My last two AF’s have been absolutely pure torture, I wouldn’t wish the pain on my worst enemy. I even have a pair of emergency sub plans laying out on my desk for Tuesday just in case I get it Sunday or Monday and can’t go in. Endometriosis is the worse! I am looking forward to at least getting started on this second leg of my journey through infertility. I want so badly to be pregnant.

For now I will do my best to enjoy this five day weekend. I ordered two books through Amazon. One of them is on infertility/adoption and is called “Hannah’s Hope” and the other is just a good fiction book to keep me entertained. I do look forward to enjoying this break for the most part. I need it. Let’s gooo.

So..it’s a “chemical pregnancy..” What an awful term.

So, we are officially not pregnant. On Thursday I received a phone call that devastated me. I checked my phone during my lunch and saw that my RE called. This immediately brought up red flags because they don’t normally call unless there is a concern. I called them in my friend’s classroom because that’s where we eat lunch, all of our other classrooms have students in them. So while my friends were eating, I went into a corner to make the phone call. As soon as I got the nurse on the phone, I said “Is this bad news or good news?” She said, “It’s bad..” and proceeded to tell me that my beta numbers had dropped drastically and that I had a “chemical pregnancy.” She said she was so, so, sorry as I started crying. I couldn’t even think of any questions to ask because I felt so overwhelmed.

My friends saw how upset I was and everyone started comforting me as I told them what happened. The girls at my job are the absolute best. One of them went to the office to let them know I would be leaving, another went to my classroom to get my car keys so I could just leave, and another one set up lesson plans for my afternoon class. I pretty much was able to walk out of there with no worries. I headed home (hysterical pretty much) and my husband met me there. He left his job early too so that we could comfort each other and pretty much mourn together..it’s honestly devastating to think that you are pregnant, get excited, start planning in your head (even though it’s early, you just feel so excited) and then be told that you’re not pregnant.

It pretty much feels like the world is playing a cruel joke on you. I kept thinking, “What are we going wrong? Why is this happening to us?” In my heart I know that there is no answer to this. We have to just keep holding on and keep trying.

After I was able to get my bearings together, I had a bunch of questions for my RE so I called them with my list of questions. They told me that there was nothing we could have done to prevent this or anything, that we did everything right. I also wanted to know what my exact numbers were. Well, my beta started out at 104-106 then it dropped to 54, then it dropped to 9. I then wanted to know, what next? Do we transfer our frozen eggs, can we even DO IVF again and would insurance cover it? If we did decide to go with IVF again, when would that be? And all of that jazz.

Basically, we were told that we have three more tries of IVF that our insurance would cover. We have four tries all together in our lifetime. We could transfer the eggs if they thaw out in good condition and our chances at getting pregnant would be just as high. However, if the insurance company counts the transfer as another “try” at getting pregnant, that could mean we would only have two rounds of IVF. Our RE said that if that’s the case then we should just do another round of IVF since it’s more expensive and a transfer is about $1,500. What my husband and I would like to do though, is to transfer the two eggs (if they thaw our properly) and just pay out of pocket. We would rather do that than do another round of IVF, unless we absolutely have to.

I’m going to be honest. I HATE IVF. I hate the needles, the shots, I especially hate being late to my job everyday, wasting sick days, going in for ultra sound after ultra sound..the end result is well worth it, and if I have to do I will. But, I would like to avoid it all costs if possible. If I have to do another round of IVF maybe I would wait for the spring, the end of the year, or even the summer. I don’t even know.

All I know is that I want to get pregnant and soon. I can’t correct my endometriosis and all of the craziness that’s going on without risking my chances of carrying my own baby. So..until I can have a baby..everything is on hold. All I want, is a precious, beautiful baby of my own. I will keep praying, keep believing, and keep holding on to hope.

Hoping, believing, trusting! Transfer was yesterday! STICK EMBIES!

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My transfer day was yesterday! I will break everything down  🙂

I had to leave work early (I work as a teacher) because my appointment was at 2:30 an hour away. I came home and relaxed with my husband for about an hour. I was STARVED but actually somewhat scared to eat something big just because I was thinking hmm..soon I’m going to have drink 20-30 ounces of water after eating..I do not want to have any major bowel movements (gross I know) when I’m transferring! Plus, when I’m nervous my stomach gets all messed up and I was super nervous. All I kept thinking was..after this transfer..COMFORT FOOD. I just want a cheese steak roll!! That’s all. Moving on..so an hour before at about 1:30 I downed all of the water I had to drink. Then, we headed out to our appointment an hour away.

By the time I got to the appointment, I really had to use the bathroom. I have a very weak and small bladder to begin with (literally, the nurse once told me my bladder was pretty tiny) so I was ready to get this procedure on the road. Plus, trumping all..I was super excited and just wanted the little embies to be inside of me already! Needless to say, we had to wait a bit because there was another couple ahead of us having a transfer. By the time it was our turn, or so I thought, I told the nurse “look..I REALLY need to use the bathroom. Like…badly…like I can’t guarantee an accident won’t happen during this transfer if somebody doesn’t do something..gross I know but true! It’s how I felt. She let me empty a little bit and then the doctor took me back. However, when we went to the room…we had to go back to the waiting room because they were not quite ready for us yet. By this time I literally wanted to cry..I NEEDED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS?! But, I love my doctor and the people there so I took some deep breaths and headed back to the waiting room.

Next, our doctor called us to his office. He showed us the two embryos he was transferring and said they were some “beautiful” looking embryos. He also wanted us to be aware that the chance for twins was 30-40% and asked us “Are you prepared to handle that?” My husband and I had discussed this prior. I don’t think most people are every “ready” to handle a multiple pregnancy but of course we would accept it with joy if that’s what happened. He continued to reiterate the fact that there was a great chance we could have twins. In my mind I was happy because I was hearing “There is a great chance you are going to be pregnant. period.” That’s all that I want. The joy of giving birth to a precious little baby. Whatever God is willing to give me, I ACCEPT!! I’ll take it Lord! After we signed off on the number of embryos being transferred, we went back to waiting.

Finally..after what seemed like an eternity, it was our turn. I changed into a gown and into the little elf hospital scrub shoes and a scrub hat while thinking, man..I should have pulled my hair up. Stuffing my mass of curls into that cap was good times. My husband also had to change into scrubs too. He looked like a cutie off of Grey’s Anatomy – can you tell I find a lot of people on Grey’s cute? Next, I went into the room where the procedure was going to be done. They elevated my legs into these stir up like things and strapped them in. Then, the doctor came in and started the whole process!

The coolest thing was when they put my embryos onto the screen and I pretty much was able to see the doctor putting the embryos in. Like a friend told me today, “You pretty much saw yourself get impregnated…that’s pretty cool!” Not sure if I would word it that way, but needless to say it is pretty amazing how this can all be possible. My husband caressed my shoulder and was so excited. He’s the best.

After the whole thing was done, we journeyed back home and hubby bought me a steak roll and some cheese fries (because literally, he’s the best) and I laid around and relaxed. Today I felt pretty good too. I went to work but tried to sit as much as possible and take it easy. All I want is for these precious little embies to stick. That would be amazing.

Those of you who are on this journey with me, reading my blog, or going through similar things, you are in my heart and prayers. This road is not an easy one and very often it can feel pretty lonely,but You’re not alone. I’m a Christian and I rely so much on my faith in God. Without Him, where would I be? I’m so blessed to have such a strong husband and supporter to stand with me through all of this. I can’t wait to see what God has in store. Be blessed all <3